The Return: Midnight Chapter 40

barely after an endless clip in the soft, kind darkness, something was forcing Elena back up into light. Real light.Not the terrible green half-light of the Tree. Even through with(predicate) shut eyelids she could see it, feel its heat. A yel ow sun. Where was she? She couldnt remember.And she didnt care. Something was saying inside her that the gentle darkness was better. But because she remembered a name.Stefan.Stefan was?Stefan was the one whothe one she loved. But hed never dumb that love was non singular. Hed never unders to a faultd that she could be in love with Damon and that it would never change an atoms worth of her love for him. Or that his lack of reason had been so wrenching and painful that she had felt torn into two different people at times.But immediately, even before she opened her eyes, she realized that she was drinking. She was drinking the blood of a vampire, and that vampire wasnt Stefan. There was something fantastic in this blood. It was deeper an d spicier and more cloggy, al at once.She couldnt help opening her eyes. For some reason she didnt understand, they flew open and she tried and true immediately to focus on the scent and feeling and color of whoever was bending over her, holding her.She couldnt understand, either, her smack of let dispirited when she slowly realized that it was Sage leaning over her, holding her gently besides securely to his neck, with his bronze chest bare and warm from the sunlight.But she was lying down flat, on grass, from what her hands could feeland for some reason her head was cold. Very cold.Cold and wet.She stopped drinking and tried to sit up. The light bewitch became firmer. She heard Sages sound say, and felt the rumbling in his chest as he verbalize it, Ma pauvre petite, you mustiness drink more in a moment or so. And your hair has Stillsome of the ashes in it.Ashes? Ashes? Didnt you dictate ashes on your head fornow what had she been thinking about? It was as if there was a b lock in her mind, keeping her from enamourting close tosomething. But she wasnt going to be told what to do.Elena sat up.She was in yes, she was very sealed the kitsune paradise, and until a moment ago her body had been arched back, so that her hair had been in the clear slim stream that she had seen earlier. Stefan and Bonnie had been washing something pitch-black out of her hair. They both were smudged with black as well Stefan had a big swath across one cheekbone, and Bonnie had faint gray streaks below her eyes.Crying. Bonnie had been crying. She was Stillcrying, in little sobs that she was trying to suppress. And now that Elena looked harder she could see that Stefans eyelids were swol en and that he had been crying too.Elenas lips were numb. She fel back onto the grass, looking up at Sage, who was wiping his eyes furtively. Her throat ached, not just inside, where sobbing and gasping might make it hurt, but outside, too. She had a picture of herself slashing at her own ne ck with a knife.Through her numb lips, she whispered, Am I a vampire?Pas encore,Sage said unsteadily. Not yet. But Stefan and I, we both had to give you massive amounts of blood. You must be very careful in the next days. You are right on the brink.That explained how she felt. Probably Damon was hoping that she would hold out one, wicked boy. Instinctively, she held out her hand to Stefan. peradventure she could help him.We just wont do anything for a little while,she said. You dont hand to be sad.But she herself Stillfelt very wrong. She hadnt felt this wrong since shed seen Stefan in prison and had pattern that he would fail at any moment.Noit was worsebecause with Stefan there had been hope and Elena had the feeling that now hope was gone.Everything was gone. She was hol ow a girl who looked solid, but whose insides were missing.Im dying,she whispered. I know itAre you al going to say good-bye now?And with that Sage Sage choked up and began to sob.Stefan, Stilllooking so o ddly mussed, with those traces of soot on his face and ordnance store and his hair and clothes soaking wet, said, Elena, youre not going to die. Not unless you choose to.She had never seen Stefan look equal this before. Not even in prison. His flame, his inner fire that he showed to almost no one but Elena, had gone out.Sage save us,he said, slowly careful y, as if it cost him great drive to speak. The ash that was fal ing you and Bonnie would have died if youd had to breathe any more of it. But Sage put a door back to the Gatehouse right in front of us. I could barely see it my eyes were so ful of ashfal , and its only getting worse on that moon.Ashfal ,Elena whispered. There was something at the bottom of her mind, but once over again her memory failed her. It was almost as if shed been Influenced to not remember. But that was ridiculous.Why were ashes fal ing?she asked, realizing that her voice was husky, hoarse as if shed cheered too long at a footbal game.You used Wings of Destruction,Stefan said steadily, looking at her with his swol en eyes. You saved our lives. But you kil ed the Tree and the star bal disintegrated.Wings of Destruction. She must have lost her temper. And shed kil ed a world. She was a murderer.And now the star bal was lost. Fel s Church. Oh, God. What would Damon say to her? Elena had done everything everything wrong. Bonnie was sobbing now, her face dark away.Im sorry,Elena said, knowing how inadequate this was. For the first time she looked around miserably. Damon?she whispered. He wont speak to me? Because of what I did?Sage and Stefan looked at each other.Ice went down Elenas spine.She started to get up, but her legs werent the legs she remembered. They wanted to unlock at the knees. She was stark(a) down at herself, at her own wet and smudged clothes and then something like mud came down her forehead. bemire or congealing blood.Bonnie made a sound. She was Stillsobbing, but she was speaking, too, in a new husky voice th at made her sound much older. Elena we didnt get the ashes out of the top of your hair. Sage had to give you an emergency transfusion.Il get the ashes out,Elena said flatly. She let her knees bend. She fel onto them, jarring her body. Then, twisting, she leaned down to the little brook and let her head fal forward.Through the north-polar shock she could dimly hear exclamations from the people above water, and Stefans sharp, Elena, are you All right? in her head.No, she thought back. But Im not drowning, either. Im washing out my hair. Maybe Damon will at least see me if Im presentable. Maybe hell come with us and fight for Fells Church.Let me help you up, Stefan sent quietly.Elena had come to the end of her air. She pul ed her heavy head out of the water and flipped it, soaking but clean, so that it fel down her back. She stared at Stefan.Why?she said and then, with a sudden panic Has he left already? Was he angrywith me?Stefan.It was Sage, speaking tiredly. Stefan, who was star ing out of his green eyes like a hunted animal, made some faint sound.The Influence, it is not working,Sage said. She will remember on her own.